Manish's Satire

Local homeless, starving people in and around the Chicago land area have recently found a new way to deal with their hunger issues. When asked about this new food source homeless man Alex Johnson was quoted saying “Its everywhere, it just makes our lives so much easier”. With the way the economy has been going and with how many people are losing their jobs; finding alternative ways to saving money on food is always a question. You may be asking yourself right now, what are these people eating? But we will get to that in a second. Because of this amazing new finding, city parks are more sanitary, sidewalks are whiter and shoes remain the color they are meant to be. Now back to the food. If it has not been self explanatory yet, the food source for millions of homeless people is none other than dog poop. This has made life a lot easier for not only the starving Americans but also for all citizens in general. Local dog owner Mary Smith says “I used to always have to carry around a plastic bag with me when I walked my baby, but now I just have a homeless man follow me around”. This has also made the job of government officials a lot less stressful. The government spent years and millions of dollars trying to figure out how to feed the starving population. Who would have thought that the solution to the problem was right at our feet? Literally! This wasn’t the first choice that starving people chose. They also worked through fingernails and arm hair, but they would soon run out after about one meal. Dog poop was the best solution for everything. When asked about how he feels about this situation Mary Smith’s dog, Tiger, responded “I was always so ashamed about pooping all over the ground, but now that it will be cleaned up right away it makes me feel a lot better about myself and my ways of living”. The only negative outcome of this has been the constant fighting between the humans and other animals trying to eat the poop. The humans obviously won the battle, so could we possibly have a animal hunger problem in the near future? Who knows.