ELEVEN SECTION: Zaia

IRAQ MIRROR IMAGE OF U.S.
Many thought that Iraq would soon blow itself up. This was a common belief because of the extremists going crazy around about this country, and the lack of control. The extremists that once ran about are stopping and creating a peace corps according to reporter Trisha Takanawa. “It is a beautiful day today in Baghdad, Iraq white picket fences along houses hoarding Kentucky blue grass, children playing, and dogs barking.” Now it seems that it is a mirror image of our own United States and western culture. Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki has planned stepped down to governor of Iraq in response to it’s planned induction into the U.S. as the 51st state. “Democracy has prevailed” according to reporter Yosep Brosef Mohamed Ali Nourari of the Al Jazeera network. “Tyranny has been completely swept out of Iraq, extremist’s replaced with mere gang bangers, and desert land replaced with gorgeous suburbs. Iraq is planned to be inducted on January 1st, 2010. Iraq is beginning to look as if it were a “mirror image of the west” according to Barack Obama. The once torn and shattered Baghdad skyline is beginning to look similar to that of Chicago or LA. Donald Trump has planned a trip to Baghdad regarding the placement of a new “Trump Tower.”

Religiously Diverse Nineveh Plains Handed To Indigenous Owners.The
Assyrians of Northern Iraq also known as the Nineveh Plains have had their indigenous rights restored. According to reporter Ashur Khoshaba Yosep of the Aljazeera Network, Nineveh will not be part of the Iraqi induction. The Assyrians have been given aid by the U.S. government to form their own government, military, and country. The Assyrians will have completely independency as a country and will be given aid just as Israel was in the 1950’s. The once fearful Assyrians have nothing to worry about anymore; they are no longer being targeted because of their big noses or hairy men. They have used the funding to create day spas and Best Buy’s. They are a very lazy and weak people who enjoy their time sitting lazily into a couch. The induction of Iraq has been a great help to these Assyrians, with no political extremists targeting them they can go back to their ways of life. They not longer have to stay on guard and look over their shoulders. Instead, they are able to go back to their card games, reckless drinking, gambling, and most but not least ridiculous eating habits. McDonalds offered the Assyrian council a free franchise to own and operate within their land, they refused. They instead opened their own franchise named McDolma’s and began serving Assyrian style fast food.

Story behind new Iraqi democracy.
The Prime Minister of Iraq stated today “Democracy was a choice Iraq made as a nation, we were not forced and there was no intervention.” The U.S. military has not invaded Iraq since the golfing war of the early 90’s. It seems to be that this is the type of change that only occurs through intervention. However, this is not the case. “Democracy is just the beginning” stated the Prime Minister. “We are being inducted and have plans of retail shopping malls, miniskirts, jack Daniels liquor, strip clubs, illegal drug sales, political corruption, and materialistic morals.” It seems now that Iraq is going to be at peace, zion at last.